Remembering who I was

In my years of battling my demons, I used the internet for coping with everything i went through. I looked up sites for information, stories, music, on both sides, good and bad.

One site always was special. The TWLOHA site have such amazing stories. Stories I could relate to..
Today I read a blog from someone having a hard time following their heart, and lied to the people around them to make them happy. And at the end, it only made her misserable.
I've been through that. still am struggling walking my own path, to do not live for the other person, but just only for me, and me alone. It's hard to overcome that. I keep telling myself I have to do this for my own, or not at all. I still hear myself telling lies to make the others feel better, lies I cannot live by. But I tell them anyway. Cause I don't want anyone to worry, I don't want anyone to doubt me, or think I'm weird. I want to be normal, like all the others, so badly. I forget my own heart which is screaming. In the end, I could not even hear it anymore. I got stuck in my own lies.
I got out of it, little by little, as I said already, I still tell those lies sometimes, but.. I'm not perfect, and I am still in recovery. It takes time to get rid of such a habit. But I notice it now.
That's a start. The blog hit me, not just because I knew what this girl was going through. But I also remembered where I came from, How hard my fights have been, what I had to do to come this far. It is amazing what our minds are capable of. It can take you all the way down, but it can also change and get you on top of the world. Enough said, read the blog! And maybe when you have time and like to read more, take a look at the site and read more about other's stories.


You can read the blog here:
I've never been a good actor


And Follow TWLOHA (To Write Love On Her Arms). It's a really good non-profit movement that gives hope to sooooo many people around the world, battling depression, addiction, suicide and self-harm. Look it up!